Brighter Than The Sun ☼

Was just texting bestfriend about University choices when suddenly, a thought struck me.

"The choice I've made, the path I've chosen, is it the right one?"
I'm having second thoughts about my decision. Not because it isn't what I want. But the fact that I have to move on from my comfort zone and adapt a new change is somewhat dreadful. Somewhat And since I’ve been enjoying the freedom of spending my own money, I can’t believe I’m gonna lose my income. &With no bloody savings at all. Screw myself.

When I got my enrolment letter, the first thought that hit me was "Should I reapply for part-time instead?" No wait, that was actually after "WTF start school so fast?!" So technically, that was my second thought after reading the letter.

(Okay fine, WTF wasn't in my thoughts, I just wanted to emphasize on how shock I was when I saw the first date of school. :O)

It’s dumb to not have opted for part-time; since my resume would be so much nicer with a degree certificate and working experience for more than a year. But then again, I have no confidence I will do well being a part-time student. I’m such a lazy ass, even I can’t stand myself! I considered the fact that I’ll feel tired after work and probably just skip lessons (what’s the point right?!) and also the cruel reality of losing more than half of my social life. I.cannot.live.without.a.social.life. Just see how I went almost bonkers during the weekends~~~

Another consideration was how much I see no point in rushing through things in my life. What’s the point of being so hardworking and tired when I don’t even know if I can survive a day? I might just meet with a horrible accident tomorrow and die on the spot, so treasure my existence today!

I’m gonna spend the rest of my life working anyway. So why bother starting on this mundane life so fast? I rather die smiling than with regrets. Even if I’m gonna live a period of my life being broke.
Not that I don’t want to be loaded, live lavishly since young and retire early in the future. It’s just…. I’m content with how wealthy I am already; I don’t need to be rich. Too much money attracts problems anyway. Honestly, I actually believe that the more money one has, the more problems they will face. Just be average; not too rich, not too poor. Thank god, materialism isn’t in me.



After asking myself “The choice I've made, the path I've chosen, is it the right one?” another random thought hit me.

I believe that no matter what route I take; it’s the journey I’m destined to experience. Whether or not it’s a good choice or a stupid one, there’s definitely a reason why I chose it anyway. But of course, I won’t know how it’ll affect me in the future just yet. I just gotta make sure I make the best out of this last schooling phase and excel in my future careers.

My goal in life remains the same.

For now, I will go back to my donkey to find the right horse in my race.

The decisions we make the paths we choose; There’s no right or wrong.

It's Monday but I'm feeling extremely chirpy and happy than compared to the weekends. Funny much? Sometimes, I think I'm losing my mind. Really. I was far beyond depressed on Friday & Saturday.

I believe it's the lack of meeting up with friends and having fun! I haven't laughed as much too. I know it's weird because some people would rather have more me-time and save money than going out to waste time and money. :\ Well, the last time I went out and met up with friends was on the 7th.

It has been two weeks!

And for the past two weeks, I've been working and heading back home to nothing. I've been so so so bored, I resorted to arranging facial when I don't need to (end up wasting money to buy stuffs!) and also washed my shoes and do my chores!!!! I kept refreshing my browser because I've got nothing to browse or watch anymore! Dang.

So, as the saying goes; All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I was a freaking dull Jasmine for at least a week. >,>

&It isn't the first time I go near bonkers with not enough fun in my life! Makes me upset easily. And by upset, it's triple my usual sadness meter! It's exaggerated, I know. >< I'm a weird person to start of with, anywayz.

So anywayz, I hope I get back to the usual crazy self. Too much sadness and negativity is making me do silly stuffs. TSK.

-----------------------------

I typed the above early in the morning when I just reached office. Right after I finished my last paragraph with "TSK.", my manager called me in to brief on an urgent job and boy does life know how to screw things up anyway. LOL. I still feel better than during the weekends but damn the workload is H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I.AM.GONNA.FOCUS.ON.JUST.WORK.AND.FINISH.THE.CRAP.OUT.OF.THEM! :3

Messy?
lol. Just when I'm in the mood for a longer length, some are asking me to cut the mess. grrr.OH OH OH!
hehehe. ♥

It's uncontrollable.
It's unexplainable.
It's undesirable.
It's undecipherable.
It's inexplicable. 
It's inconsistent.
It's irreversible.

SIGH. No matter how hard I try, it seems to go all the way back to square one. I'm so tired of this.
ps: Lets just stop playing.

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My week started kindda off with rainy Monday morning....................

It was chilly, dark and drizzling when I left home.
I had to bus down in the stomy best-to-sleep-in weather when I was already darn sleepy to begin with! By the time I reach office, I was totally not in the mood for anything!
Slightly grumpy, very moodless and extremely sleepy!

It is so rare but I think that's a Monday Blue! :O My first Monday Blues.. Lol. I survived through work and got to lunch where my mood was a lot better. I was still sleepy though.

In fact, I think it's a really sleepy week. I find myself struggling to stay awake at work 3 out of 4 days!! =,= face while trying to concentrate. I remember leaving for the toilet to shake off the sleepiness!

Like the saying goes "After Every Storm, Comes A Rainbow" ; Well, there wasn't a rainbow (hmmmmz.) but as always, the Sun came back on, shining like-a-bitch very brightly! ☼☼☼
&My moodlessness dried up by the time it was time to leave office.

Then again, whose mood will be bad when it's time to knock off?!! loll.

Rushed to NEX to meet Weishan for a quick dinner. The food's pretty good BUT IT WAS DAMN RUSHY. Had to swallow(almost!) our dinner before running(almost!) to the theaters for our movie!
Lightbulbs Jolene, Yaping and Pierre Png lookalike Chee Fai were there too~~~ :D

"The Avengers" is pretty good. :) Go catch the hype if you haven't!
ps: I like Captain American, Hawkeye and HULK! hukhuk. :33

Movie ended and we were in for some desserts! Seriously, dinner didn't felt like dinner because we totally rushed through it. >:( End up settling down at Cafe Cartel for their Happy Hour: 50% discount. Had a great time chatting and laughing in the cold restaurant enjoying our desserts!

After Monday night, my week became all better! ^^ It's always a great time when it's with my girlfriends!!!
♥My sunshine after the rain. kekk.

OH YA! I received a shocking news before work ended too! Was feeling all :O and :( but I've gotten over it. Still :( but............................... :( :( :(

Tuesday was. Then there's Wednesday before Thursday(with a bit work issues). :D See, my week was awesome! ;) Even more awesome when there's no TGIF!!!! hehehe. Just calculated. For the past two weeks, I've only worked 7 days with Public Holiday and my MCs last week then my leave tomorrow. HEHHH.

HEHHH but T^T too. My work is piling up Up UP!

Sister's birthday today~~

Sarcasm is probably the most common and widely used language in any kind of corporate environment. In fact, I think it's the language most people use in any kind of environment!
To display frustrations and displeasure.

These bullets may be directed straight in your face or cowardly behind your back. 
Nevertheless hearing them still hurts, don't they?I was wondering why people use sarcasm so often.................................................................... only to find myself guilty of being one of these assholes. Lol.

In life, everyone should learn how to take in a bullet and throw it away.
To accept sarcasm and not take them personal.

Critics should accept and be open to others' criticism; like how they want the criticised to be.

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Conditional Love: Loving another with expectation for returns. Returns of any form.

(Just something random I recall of from the recent Channel8 9pm Drama that has ended “再见单人床“.)

Love, in a family.
Love, in a relationship.
Love, in a friendship.
Love, in this that and all.

Exactly how many of us can love another unconditionally?

Family.
Friends.
Lovers.

Probably a majority of us is guilty of loving another with conditions. Like expecting the other party to understand you as much as you understand them. Or expecting the other person to remember your birthday, expecting the other party to initiate a conversation or a meet-up. Or as simple as expecting the other person to reply a message.

One may explain that replying to messages is just a form of basic respect and manners. And that no replies shows the lack of. In the first place, the other party has the rights to choose whether or not they'll like to reply. They may be rude, but it's still their choice. You can hate and curse on them on this all you want though. *cough*rude*cough*donkey*cough*holes

Expecting your message's recipient to reply you is like a condition you attach to the message sent.
(Am I making any sense? I have so much in my mind right now. Just let me rant nonsense.)

Are they all expectations, or just a necessary want in life - A love acknowledgement/a "prove" that there's love? I don't know. They are probably the silliest things we argue about or the stupidest reasons we drift apart from or even fall out with people.

One fact I've learnt of myself: I'm someone who really needs acknowledgement. It makes me feel appreciated and whole. Though I don't harp on the lack of acknowledgements, I realize, I complain too much about it at times.

I stepped out of my depressed thoughts and unselfishly asked myself, "Since when and why did I expect this, this, that and that of this person?"

I just got my answer. Not only have I started to love this person with lots of conditions, I've also allowed these conditions and expectations to consume the love I used to have.

In simple layman's term, I do not have a big heart. A big enough heart to see through these nonsensical "conditions" and continue to love like always.

In simpler terms, I am not a good enough friend.
(S/N: Yes, I'm referring to love in a friendship)

I once shared(&probably still will):
"I'm just tired that it seems like I'm always the one to initiate......."
"Sometimes I ask myself if it's worth it to put in so much effort......."
"Just upsetting to know that he/she/they don't even bother to be updated....... "
"He/She/They didn't even bother to offer help....."

If I love this person unconditionally enough; I won't get tired of all the initiations, I won't question the worthiness of my efforts, I won't care whether they bother to be updated or to offer help.

I can think of so many ways to explain why I have these expectations. These "conditions".

But for tonight, I'm gonna tell myself that I'm just not a good enough person.

Not a good enough friend.

For now, I'm happy I am loving my family and some friends unconditionally. I want it to remain so for a very very very long time.
ps: TPL's Dinner&Dance and Yanling's 21st party entries to be up tomorrow!

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Fallen ill. :(
Last week, Dad was down with flu followed by a high fever. My mother got the virus few days later and now it seems to be my turn. Zz Woke up with a terrible throat. But I doubt it's the viruses at home though they obviously played a part in infecting me. >< The weather has been horrible! So horribly humid and hot before a downpour suddenly wets the island. ==;;

Feeling kindda horrible with a bad throat and a runny but blocked nose. :O Best thing is, I cannot afford to go on medical leave because my Manager and Jasmine is out of town. :( SPAM VITAMIN C C! :D


Fish plaited Shamyn's hair!


Our awesome Friday lunch!


^^


Dinner to celebrate Ming Hong's 22nd Birthday! ^^
Went to Sojubang for dinner~~ &Today's MingHong's birthday. We just celebrated in advanced. ^^










Made a bet with sister to see who'll reach home first.
By bus from Kovan or legs from Hougang. I obviously won. ;) I even strolled home please!








BYEEEEE.

HIHIHI!!
Feeling kindda queasy right now so, I'm gonna just do a quick quick update before I head to bed early today!
Target: Before 2330! :D

My weekend started half a Friday early this week. Dad came to pick me up then to mum's before heading home to grab Sugar and send her to Petopia for her stay while we're gone! :)

Supposedly booked a resort here to hang out with the girlfriends/clique but it turned out to be too pricey for them so my parents took the break instead. ^^

It was kindda wow-ish... The exterior and facilities.
Love the pool!




It's the longest at 95m! And it's 100% Spring water! :O




The impact of the waterfall is darn powerful but it's a really good massage too. (Y)!


A really hot Friday!




Tea Break while waiting for our room to be ready!




The cafe that served average breakfast!




Excited face! ^^




Small room~~~


Guess my mum was rather disappointed?
The original price for the resort won't be worth the stay...
But I thought it was good enough. :)




Left to Vivo to meet Sissy and have our dinner!


It was her Chinese birthday!
Kindda our thing to celebrate Chinese/Lunar birthday with the family leaving the International date with friends. ^^

Ended our night with a little bit shopping. Headed back to the room to wash up and all before snuggling in bed! :) I slept rather late though... Was doing a lot of random things. Lol. A lot of random thinking also. :\

OH YA! When we were waiting for the beach tram, some Caucasian saw my dad scratching my mum's back and randomly walked up and ask for a scratch on his back too! It was really random and kindda funny. My dad scratched his back anyway while feeling stunned. Lol. He later just walk pass us saying he feels like a new man and then like nothing happened. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

WOKE UP TO THIS.
Okay, this shot was on the day we checked in la. But it's what we saw anyway. xD


GUESS WHO!
My sister slept on the extended area from the window~ Was suppose to be my spot but she dislike the extra bed for being too soft.... PICKY!


The pool is kindda salty. Spring water taste like that I guess?




I WENT ON IT THRICE! Lol.
It was because we went to the waterfall and all~ And I was feeling kiddy. hehehe.

The resort was booked from Friday to Monday. Because sissy and I had other activities for the weekend, we ended the break on Saturday. Left the place around evening. While I headed to Plaza Singapura for "The Vow", my sister left for a friend's BBQ. :)

The Vow wasn't as bad as I thought.... Saw a few friends commenting on how bad it is but I enjoyed the movie. ^^ Before that, I freaked out! Booked the tickets the night before and rushed up to the cinema level to collect the tickets only to find REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG QUEUES!! I thought I was in trouble because I was left with less than half hour to the start of the movie! Rushed back down to B1 and printed the tickets from AXS. Love GV for this other method they use.

Met up with Haniza and had dinner at KiseKi~~~~

There were different things this time.

I was super duper glad Haniza was fine with their spread because I was really craving for it and I cannot wait for another few months to satisfy it!!!!! Today (22nd April) is their last day in Heeren :( and, they are going to be opened again in Orchard Central ONLY IN JUNE!!! A month and a little more to go and may I not have any random Kiseki cravings!

Sad thing, I was too famished to eat a lot. Only had one round and I was bloated. I didn't wanna activate my gastric so I gave in and didn't go for more. :(( I really didn't eat a lot! To think I missed lunch for it. SOBS!

I left space for desserts though. HEHEHE.


The movie and dinner was on me as a birthday gift! :D

Ended the night with a really good chat in my place! No one was home~ We opened the bottle of white wine she got me for my birthday and enjoyed the peaceful night just talking about growing up, our lives, our past, our possible future and many more random things (including a bit sexual stuff. HAHAHHAHAH!) She's one of the best thing that has happened to me back in Primary School, and I'm glad we've never drifted or lost contact over the decade. Yes, we've been bestfriends for a decade!

GOODNIGHT! :)